I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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