I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
