Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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