We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
