Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
