I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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