My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
