we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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