My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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