Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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