Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
