Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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