matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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