I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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