im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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