Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
