Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
