I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
