Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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