i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
