The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
