Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
