I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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