last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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