Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
