Your dad touched me again.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
