remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
