Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
