My nipple is on Facebook.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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