neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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