hotel room ftw
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
