Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
