If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
