my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
zippers are such a cool invention
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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