i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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