I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
