i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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