Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
