so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I intend to get homeless drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
