im drinking this country out of the recession.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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