If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize