Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Operation Purity has been aborted
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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