so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
