I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
