One girl and one boy is just not enough.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
