and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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