I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
