i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
