yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
