2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
