well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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