The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
