i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
