Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
