once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
