Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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