Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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