at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
