if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize