God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
