those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
