why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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