there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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