you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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