Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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