somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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