Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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