His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
