I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
