You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Duck Duck Cougar?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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