oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
