I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
