chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize