I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
