Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I did not marry a roomba.
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