apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
