So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
