a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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