i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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