If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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