I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
