yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
