I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
