my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
