Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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