At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
