So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
