Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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