i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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