OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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