You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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